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2008's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins ......

ok........... this one has nothing to do with christmas.

a guy was sitting down watching tv and eating peanuts. he was throwing them up in the air and catching them in his mouth. he threw one in the air and he was distracted by wife. he turned his head, and the peanut fell in his ear. he and his wife tried everything to get it out, but to no avail.

they were just about to leave for the hospital when their daughter came home with her boyfriend. they told the daugther what had happened, and her boyfriend said he thought he could help. he told the father to sit down and relax. he then stuck 2 of his fingers in the fathers nostrils. then told him to close his mouth and blow real hard. the peanut popped right out.

the daughter and her boyfriend went into the kitchen, and the wife said "he's a very smart young man. i wonder what he's gonna be when he grows up?" the husband said "going by the smell of his fingers..... our son-in-law."

scr8p wrote:ok........... this one has nothing to do with christmas.

Maybe, was the daughters name Carol? Holly?

ya, her name could be carol. and instead of the dad watching tv, he could be watching the mom decorating the tree.

viola.............. christmas joke.

scr8p wrote:ya, her name could be carol. and instead of the dad watching tv, he could be watching the mom decorating the tree.

viola.............. christmas joke.

A Christmas tree is too religiously secular, let's call it a Festivus Pole, ok?

LMAO to both

RC Chick wrote:LMAO to both

Glad you like.

Halgar wrote: A Christmas tree is too religiously secular,

that's something you need to explain me
I was told the tree is from another culture; the romans shifted the christian celebrations over to existing local celebrations when they christened a region, just to make sure the folks wouldn't celebrate both. Darn bastards, we could have that many bankholidays more

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree is your friend, Ed, wiki is your friend. And that comment was merely a segue into the Festivus Pole ...

Thanks for the link.
If you click it again, and then go to the link 'roots' under it... you'll find my simple explanation is pretty much in accordance with wiki: christmas trees have long become a christian tradition but actually go back to way different lines.
I'm not trying to pull your hair or anything, just thought; it's the chit chat section, so why not open the subject up a bit

You're just trying to jack my thread, man!


LOL J/K

Got this in an email today and thought this would be the place to share it...

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Todd



Got a second one just now from my dad of all people...

Little kids letter to Santa:
Dear Santa...I've been really good and all I want for christmas is a little brother.
{signed}
Freddie

Return letter from Santa:
Dear Freddie...Send me your mom and I'll see what I can do for you.
{signed}
Santa